


i come back again (i am flawed)

by weatheredlaw



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Oral Sex, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-30 22:43:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13961643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weatheredlaw/pseuds/weatheredlaw
Summary: Locus leans forward. “I am not something you go after for the right reasons.”“That’s what you think,” Carolina says. “But I disagree.”





	i come back again (i am flawed)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [greylina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/greylina/gifts).



> i was talking to tumblr user joooules about an rvb au and casually mentioned carolina/locus without realizing they were SUPER into it and now i am SUPER into it so i wrote some porn. enjoy.

She doesn’t expect to find anyone in Wash’s room. Carolina had told Tucker to beat it after he’d fallen asleep in his chair, and he’d finally agreed after she’d asked six more times. When she finally runs him off and makes her way to Wash’s room, she expects to be able to be alone, to think about... _everything_. It’s the one place where she might be able to get some peace and quiet. And if Wash wakes up ㅡ

Carolina opens the door to his room, and she realizes right away that she’s not alone.

A hulking figure in dark clothes is sleeping in the corner, snapping awake when Carolina shuts the door. They stand and step into the light.

“Agent Carolina.”

“... _Locus?_ ”

He nods.

“What are you _doing_ here?”

“I neededㅡ” Locus stops. “I wanted to see how he was.” He glances down at Wash. “I’m glad he’s recovering.”

“Right.”

He looks toward her. “I can see I’m making you uncomfortable. I’ll go.”

“No,” Carolina says quickly. “You…” She sighs. “I haven’t gotten a chance to say thank you. For bringing him here.”

“It was nothing.”

“No, it was _something._ Heㅡ” She looks at Wash, at the monitors telegraphing his lifeline into the universe. “He’s all that’s left,” she says quietly. She takes Wash’s hand, stroking her thumb over his knuckles. “So thank you. For taking care of him.”

“It...was an honor, Agent Carolina. None of us is clean, in this room. We’ve all been at our worst before. But the two of you…”

Carolina nods. “I understand.”

Locus glances at the door. “I’ll leave you alone.”

“You don’t have to,” she says quickly.

“I won’t go far. You’ll see me again soon.”

Carolina watches him go before pulling her chair to Wash’s bed, resting her head by his shoulder and falling asleep.

 

* * *

 

There’s something to be said about never knowing the face under a helmet. Locus is staying at a hotel on Chorus. Carolina only knows this because he tells her, offers to take her to dinner at one of the new places downtown. She shouldn’t say yes, but ㅡ she does.

“This is not a thing, by the way.” She gestures between them.

Locus raises a brow. “I have no idea what that means,” he says, and Carolina believes him. He’s been sitting ramrod straight in his chair since she met him at the restaurant, looking painfully out of place. Carolina doesn’t feel too comfortable herself. Civilian life is more like an anomaly these days. This place has two different kinds of forks, a glass for water, another for wine ㅡ

“Let’s not do this,” she says, and stands. “It’s weird and I don’t like it.”

Locus looks relieved. “Alright.” He follows her out of the restaurant. “...Now what?”

“Now? We go to _that_ guy down thereㅡ” She points to a vendor down the street. “We buy ten of whatever he’s selling, and eat it on a bench.” She walks ahead without checking to see if he’s followed her, stopping outside the little food stand where they’re selling some sort of meat on a stick.

Locus falls in next to her. “Ten of _this_?”

“Ten of it.”

He sighs. “Alright.”

 

* * *

 

It’s very odd, watching a mercenary eat meat off a stick. Carolina feels a little triumphant as he struggles, dropping some on his pants and scowling.

“This is uncivilized.”

“It’s good, though.” She glances around. Chorus is rebuilding. Their new capital is growing. The war happened here, too, and there are parts of the city still off-limits, the walls riddled with bullet holes.

Locus must know what she’s thinking, because he says quietly, “It’ll never be the same.”

“No, it won’t.”

“It’ll get _better_ ,” he insists. “But it won’t...it won’t be the same.”

Carolina nods. “Like us.”

He looks at her sharply, and she feels her neck grow hot. She’d said it without thinking, but she doesn’t apologize. What’s the point? It’s true ㅡ and he knows it.

Carolina takes a napkin and wipes the corner of her mouth. There’s something growing, coiling in her chest. She wants to _say_ what it is, but she’s not sure what to call it. The food is gone, now, but they’re still sitting on the bench, watching people walk past. No one knows them, and so, no one knows what they’ve done. It’s freeing and indulgent, to be anonymous. And right now, it’s the most relaxed she’s ever been.

Grif would be proud.

Locus clears his throat. “I...would offer to walk you back, butㅡ”

“It’s alright.” They stand together. “Thanks for getting me out. I’d probably be at the hospital still.”

“Time away is good. You’ll appreciate his recovery more.”

Carolina nods. “Will you see him again?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t want to impose much, and like this I’m...a stranger.”

“I knew it was you. I think Tucker would, too. He only wants you to think he’s stupid.” She glances over her shoulder. The hospital towers behind them. It’s probably where she’ll go ㅡ the little room she has next to the Reds and Blues is small and empty and it’s the last place she wants to be.

She feels guilty as she realizes that she doesn’t want to fall asleep in the chair next to Wash either. She doesn’t want to be there again when she wakes up and his nurse is watching her cautiously, like she has claws and fangs. In a way, she might. To some at least.

Carolina looks back at Locus. “I don’t want to go back.”

“Alright. Iㅡ”

“I want...I want something else.” The thing that was coiling up and growing in her chest has a name, now. She needs to be careful with it. “Can you...do something for me?”

“I can try.”

“Take me back to your room. Take me back with you and…” Her neck is hot again. His expression hasn’t changed. “Take me backㅡ”

“You want me to fuck you.”

Carolina cringes. “...Yes.”

“I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”

“Yeah, but it’s not a terrible idea,” she insists. “Look, there’s just...there’s a lot. Happening. I can’t go back to my room, and I can’t go back to Wash. I can’t do that right now. I’m not ready for this to end, but I don’t think you and I could do anything _but_ this. I think...it could solve a few things.”

Locus raises a brow. His hands slide into the pockets of his slacks and he turns and looks out across the street. “It’s a questionable decision at best.”

“Yeah, I know.” Carolina straightens. “But it’s mine. And yours,” she adds. “If you want.”

Locus turns back to her. He nods. “Alright,” he says, and starts to walk back to his hotel.

 

* * *

 

She can’t remember the last time she had sex.

Well, that’s what she tells herself, at least.

It’s easier to say that than to confront that fact that she remembers the last time in excruciating detail. York had been vocal and physical and _fun_. He had made her smile, made her laugh, took care of her.

She gets the feeling things are different with Locus. The way he shuts and bolts the door to his hotel room, and meticulously removes the things from his pockets, lining them up on the bedside table. His wallet, a pocket knife, the three-pack of condoms he bought on their way back. Carolina sits carefully on the edge of the bed and watches this ritual play out. He removes his jacket and hangs it on a hook before toeing off his shoes and setting them in a line with two other pairs.

She knows it isn’t foreplay, but fuck if it doesn’t _feel_ like it.

He turns to her, reaching out and lifting her chin, forcing her to look up at him.

“You don’t have to do this,” he says.

Carolina sets her jaw. “I don’t do things I don’t want to do,” she says, and reaches down to tug off her shirt.

Locus draws back as she tosses the blouse to the side and begins to crawl backward across the bed.

“You only have to say stopㅡ”

“I know how this works,” she snaps. The energy between them sparks and then fizzles. He’s just starting to untuck his shirt, eyes narrowing. Carolina stares back until he nods and continues undressing. Another careful, measured thing, though he does toss his shirt to the floor next to hers.

“Don’t want to hang that up?”

“I don’t need to be patronized for being _neat_ ,” he says. His belt comes undone with a snap. _It’s all I have control over_ goes unspoken. Carolina knows. She remembers Wash’s quarters, remembers her _own_.

The distraction means she misses the part where Locus is suddenly very naked and she’s still wearing ninety-percent of her clothes. He reaches out and pulls her back toward the edge, kneeling on the floor. He takes off her boots and socks, before glancing up for permission to undo the buttons of her jeans. Carolina nods, lifting her hips so he can slide them with her underwear down her thighs. Cool air touches warm skin, then she feels one of his hands circle her ankle, the thumb swiping over the swell of bone.

When she’d imagined it, there was none of this. Fucking just to fuck doesn’t have to be intimate, she knows that. But leans in and kisses the bend of her knee, and she knows where he’s going ㅡ she just never would have assumed he’d be the first guy to go down on her in literal years.

_You taste fucking amazing._

York’s voice filters unbidden into the midst of all this. Locus reaches forward and swipes his thumb over her clit. Carolina gasps.

_Just like this? You like it, I know you do._

She hears herself say, “No,” and Locus pulls back.

“You don’tㅡ”

“Not right now.” She turns her head. He’s been unreadable all fucking night, and now he’s suddenly _concerned_ . Fucking great. “Could you justㅡ” She looks at the bedside table, at the little blue box of condoms. “I don’t... _need_ that.”

God if he’s going to _think_ about this ㅡ

“Alright.” He pulls back and stands, reaching for the box and opening it. Carolina moves and lays against one of the pillows as Locus moves onto the bed, settling between her knees. When she’d asked him she’d imagined it would be different, she thought he’d understand ㅡ

_Hey, is this okay?_

York. Always asking. Always checking to make sure. She’d teased him about it, but it was like a lifeline. She expected it. It made her want more, all the time.

If Locus opens his mouth and asks if she’s fucking alright, she’ll ㅡ

He doesn’t. While she was thinking, he was rolling the condom over his cock, hooking one of her legs over his shoulder. Now he pushes inside her with a low groan. His expression is _open_ , the _want_ in his voice is obvious and Carolina presses her lips together.

Talked a big game, about doing things she didn’t want to.

Now she’s laying here, and she can hear it, she can hear the need with every thrust, the echo of something like Epsilon that says _what the fuck are you doing_ , and the sigh of a memory that says _you feel good, you feel so good, you_ ㅡ

“Enough.”

Carolina snaps to attention. Locus is pulling out and away from her.

“Whatㅡ”

“I said that’s enough. You aren’t present.” He gets up and tosses the condom into the trash. Carolina feels cold.

“I didn’t say stop.”

“You didn’t have to.” He pulls on a shirt and points to her clothes on the floor. “Get dressed and go home.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

“ _Then don’t waste my time_ ,” he snaps. He turns away and doesn’t speak to her again.

 

* * *

 

She goes to the hospital. If she’s going to sleep somewhere, then she wants to wake up and see someone she knows.

Someone she trusts.

Someone she loves.

 

* * *

 

“...How long have you been here?”

Carolina sits up, her neck stiff. Wash is awake and watching her, his smile a little crooked. He coughs and hisses in pain as Carolina reaches for his hand and brings it to her lips.

“ _Wash_ ㅡ”

“I’m okay,” he says, voice breaking. “I promise.”

“Fuck, Wash.” Carolina had thought she’d been prepared for this.

She really fucking isn’t.

“I know,” he says. He reaches out, hand shaking as he puts it on top of her head. “I know.”

“ _It’s just us_ ,” she says. “You get that, don’t you? It is just you and me now, dipshit. So if you die, then I’m fucking _alone._ ” Carolina swipes angrily at the tears sliding down her cheeks. “I don’t _have_ anyone else.”

Wash laughs. “That’s not true,” he says, and points to the window looking into his room. Carolina follows his hand. The Reds and Blues are standing there, looking in and smiling. Caboose waves, and Wash looks back at her. “That hasn’t been true for a long time.”

 

* * *

 

They give Wash another round of painkillers and he passes out around noon. Carolina curls up in the chair again, Wash’s hand clutched in hers as she brushes the hair from his forehead.

It’s weird, now, imagining her world without him.

“Is he the one you were thinking of last night?”

Carolina isn’t surprised he’s here. She keeps her attention on Wash.

“No,” she says.

Locus grunts and sits in the chair on the other side of the bed.

She looks at him. “I was thinking about someone else.”

“I assumed.”

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I didn’t...I wasn’t expecting that.”

“I wasn’t convinced it was a good idea. You just proved it.”

Carolina wants to argue, but ㅡ

He’s right.

“Don’t apologize,” he adds. “I could have said no. But I wondered if you had a point. That maybe it could...solve something.” He shakes his head. “A mistake. That’s all it was.”

“Put it behind us then,” Carolina says, and Locus nods.

Eventually, she falls asleep. When she lifts her head, Locus is gone.

 

* * *

 

She doesn’t argue when Tucker tells her to leave. She feels heavy, like her thoughts are chained to her ankles, forcing her to drag on.

 _A mistake_ , he’d said. _That’s all it was._

Perhaps. It certainly hadn’t been her best idea. She thought she’d been asking for it for the right reasons, but in the end she was wrong all over again.

Wrong like she always seemed to be. Wrong about Tex, about Epsilon and the Reds and Blues. Wrong about being alone. Wrong about being broken.

It strikes her as she’s standing outside her room that she is _not_ broken. She’d asked Locus to fix her, and he’d wanted the same. But Carolina isn’t broken. She’s certainly not put together, and she still needs to heal, but ㅡ

Broken implies she can’t be fixed, at least to her. And she’s learned that everyone can be, in a way. Everyone can be put back together. You get help, sure, but you get fixed because you want to be.

You get there because you do what’s good for you, what’s right, what makes you happy.

She doesn’t go into her room. She flees, but for the right reasons.

 

* * *

 

He opens the door in boxers and a college sweatshirt, blinking against the light.

“It’s one in the morning, Carolina.”

“I know.” She brushes past him.

Locus sighs. “What is it?”

“I figured out what the problem was.”

He nods and bolts the door shut before stifling a yawn and sitting heavily in a chair. “Alright.”

“You told me that you thought I had something, about fixing things. But that was the part that was a mistake.” She sits in the chair across from him. “I used to be in love. I was in love with...someone _amazing_. And I really fucked it up. Wellㅡ” She stops. “I used to think I did. I suppose I can still take the credit, but Wash gets cranky when I do.” Carolina runs a hand through her hair. “Last night, when we were together, I could hear him. The guy I used to be with. That’s...what happened.”

Locus nods.

“And I think I heard him because...because I was doing it for all the wrong reasons. And Yorkㅡ” Saying his name grips her, and it takes a second to keep going. She swallows. “York was the one thing I went after for all the right reasons. And I think I just needed to remember that.”

Locus leans forward. “I am not something you go after for the right reasons.”

“That’s what you think,” Carolina says. “But I disagree.”

“No.” He shakes his head. “I told you. This is a mistake.”

“ _My_ mistake. Last night I came here for the wrong reasons. But my wrong reasons don’t have to be your wrong reasons. There’s no way you could solve me or fix me, and I’m not saying I can do that for you, but if I’m here because I _want_ to be here, becauseㅡ” She reaches out and takes his hand. He looks at her sharply. “ㅡbecause I want _you_ , then I think this becomes something different.

“I think that’s how we solve each other.”

Locus looks at the place where their hands touch. He finally returns the gesture, curling his fingers, thumb ghosting over her knuckles. “Desire,” he says.

“Yes.”

He glances up. “I am not something you typically... _want._ ”

“And if I say that I do? What does that make you feel?”

He grips her hand tighter. “Impossibility.” He pauses. “Aroused, if I’m honest.”

Carolina laughs. “So we...can try again? I’ll be better this time,” she adds. “Promise.”

Locus stands, reaching out and tipping her face up to look at him.

She _swears_ he smiles.

“There’s no need to compete with _yourself_ , Carolina. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested in the results.”

 

* * *

 

They undress carefully, keeping their eyes averted until Carolina sits on the edge of the bed and looks toward him. Locus kneels in front of her, broad hands sliding up her bare thighs as Carolina leans back on her elbows, watching.

“May I?” he asks, and she nods, tipping her head back as she feels his lips drag against the inside of her thigh before he presses the flat of his tongue against her cunt. It’s _indulgent_ , the way he takes his time. Carolina rolls her hips, moaning as the tip of his tongue pushes inside her, her fingers curling in his hair.

Locus groans against her, gripping her thighs tighter and pulling her closer to the edge of the bed. She hangs her knees over his shoulders as he fucks her open with his mouth. Every time he takes a breath, she can hear how wet she is. His fingers and unclench around her thighs, a sweet ache and then a release. Carolina moans, relaxing the grip she has on his hair. Locus pulls back, wiping his mouth on her inner thigh.

He helps her unwind her legs from his shoulders, and she folds them under herself as she sits up.

He is the perfect height now, for her to kiss. She hasn’t, yet. Hasn’t even considered it, but ㅡ  

Locus reaches out and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, and Carolina takes a chance. She holds his large hand in both of hers, kissing his palm.

He flinches, but Carolina doesn’t let go. “Hey,” she says. “It’s okay, I’m sorryㅡ” She’s cut off when he surges forward, capturing her lips with his own, holding her face in his hands. She pulls him with her as she crawls backward over the bed, reaching up to cover his hands with her own. His mouth trails over her cheek and jaw, down the column of her throat until he can press his teeth against the curve of her neck. Carolina gasps, fingers sliding into his hair again, holding him close.

It’s not just her, she realizes, who’s gone years without touch.

And now he is everywhere. His kisses a line across her neck, then over her chest, laving his tongue along her sternum. Carolina sighs as he pulls back and licks the pad of his thumb before circling a nipple. He leans down and takes the other in his mouth, tugging gently with his teeth.  

Carolina arches her back, giving him better access as she draws her arms back and stretches, luxuriating in the attention. This is what the night before should have been, but she’s glad to have it now.

When he seems satisfied, Locus raises his head and looks at her. Carolina reaches out and strokes his cheek with the back of her hand, tracing his brow with her thumb.

“Feel fixed yet?” she asks, before reaching down to wrap her hand around his cock. Whatever he’s about to say, he _doesn’t_ ㅡ he just fixes her with a look before thrusting into her hand. She swipes the tip, smearing precum across her thumb, which she brings to her mouth and licks clean. Locus groans and closes his eyes, taking a few breaths before moving awkwardly for the bedside table and the little blue box of condoms from the night before.

“You don’t wantㅡ”

“Later,” he grunts. Carolina nods and watches him fumble with the little foil packet. It’s dwarfed in his hands and he’s eager, she can tell.

With a laugh, she sits up and takes it from him, kissing the corner of his mouth and giving him a gentle push to the side. Locus rolls to his back, brow raised.

“Come on,” she says, lazily flicking the wrapper away. “Did you really expect me to just lay there?”

He raises a brow. “Not particularly.”

Carolina smirks as she takes his cock in her hand, carefully rolling the condom over his length. Locus’s hands settle at her hips as she raises herself up, teasing herself with the tip before slowly taking him.

He’d been inside her the night before, but she’d barely registered it ㅡ now, she’s surprised. And fucking impressed. He _fills_ her, forcing a rough noise up and out of her without thought. She throws out a hand to grasp the headboard as she adjusts to the feel of him.

“Easy,” he says.

“For you,” she snaps back.

There’s a pause ㅡ

And then he _laughs._

“You’re doing well enough.”

“I told you,” she says. “I can do better.”

“Then show me.”

Carolina moans as she lifts her hips before taking him again. She gets into a rhythm, and he meets her, thrusting up into her as the hold he has on her hips grows tighter and tighter. He’s breathing heavier underneath her, but Carolina’s no better off. She braces herself with a hand on either side of him, arms trembling with the effort. She is _strong_ , she knows this, but every nerve is alight, and her body just _wants_ , now. It feels so _good_ to get something she’s craved, to just breathe and _be_ with abandon.

Both of Locus’s hands come up to cup her face as their pace slows, and every thrust strikes her slow and deep. Carolina kisses him without thinking before she drops her forehead to his shoulder and cries out as he thrusts up, _hard._

“Again,” she says, and he does. “ _Harder._ ”

Locus swears, grunting with the effort of fucking her, giving in to her demands that bleed into a babbling string of _yes, yes, more, harder, fuck_ ㅡ

“Turn over,” he says, though it’s suggested, not demanded. Carolina doesn’t care at this point. She pushes off him and rolls onto her back. Locus settles between her knees, hiking both of her legs over his shoulders and sliding his cock into her.

It doesn’t take him long to come, and Carolina doesn’t feel far off herself. His thrusts grow sharper until he slows down with a low groan, stilling inside her. Carolina closes her eyes, riding out his last thrusts until he pulls out, lifting her legs from his shoulders. She’s going to say something snarky about having to do everything herself, but he kisses her and she feels one of his hands slide between her legs, teasing her until his fingers begin to stroke her clit. She’s already keyed up, swollen and wet and _ready_.

It doesn’t take much. She clenches her thighs and comes with a gasp into his mouth, her arms wound tight around his neck.

They are pressed tight against one another, and Carolina knows she should stop kissing him, and that he should stop stroking her thigh, but he’s _warm_ and heavy and she likes it.

She _really_ likes it.

He finally draws back, leaving on lingering kiss on her forehead.

“Interesting results,” he murmurs. He gets up to clean himself, and Carolina catches her breath. She’s tired, now. Her muscles are relaxed and for the first time in ages, she feels unburdened.

Locus comes back and sits on the edge of the bed, glancing over at her. “Would you like to stay the night?” She nods, and he gets back into bed, pulling the blanket down. Carolina crawls in beside him, and they lay in separate spots, facing one another.

“How do you feel?” she asks.

“Better than I did before,” he admits.

Carolina reaches out and pushes the hair from his forehead. “Me, too.”

“Did you get what you wanted?”

She smiles. “I did.”

“Well. I’m glad.”

Carolina thinks they could sleep like this, but she’d rather not. She’s missed being close to someone, close enough at least that she can touch them. She moves closer and tucks her head under his chin. After a few minutes, she feels his arm wrap around her to pull her closer, and he kisses the top of her head.

“Thank you,” she murmurs, and he nods.

“Of course.” Then: “...Thank _you_ ,” he says quietly, stroking her back. “You’re…” He trails off.

Carolina glances up at him. “You don’t have to say anything else,” she says. “I don’t need to hear it.” She appreciates this, she... _likes_ him, but ㅡ

She doesn’t want to hear what she thinks he might say ㅡ that she is beautiful, that she is strong. Things York used to say.

Locus relaxes. “Alright. Good.”

“I already know I’m good at this,” she adds.

He grunts. “Your humility moves me,” he mutters, but he kisses the top of her head again before she hears his breathing finally even out.

She hopes that he sleeps well, and that his mind is as clear as her own.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr @ weatheredlaw


End file.
